THE SINKING FUND.--The Royal Humane Society's income.
SHREWD SUGGESTION.--It often happens, when the husband fails to be home to dinner, that it is one of his fast days.
THE SCHOOL OF ADVERSITY.--A ragged school.
NEVER WASTE YOUR TIME.--Waste somebody else's.
MEN OF THE TIME.--Chronometer makers.
A MAN IN ADVANCE OF HIS TIME.--One who has been knocked into the middle of next week.
THE DEAF MAN'S PARADISE.--The Audit Office.
SITE FOR A RAGGED SCHOOL.--Tattersall's.
STUFF AND NONSENSE.--A City Banquet, and the speeches after it.
ZOOLOGY
"That's a porkypine, Sarah."
"No, it ain't, Bill. It's a orstridge!"]
THE FISH MARKET.--Flounders were of course flat, but to the surprise of everyone they showed an inclination to come round towards the afternoon, and there were one or two transactions in whelks, but they were all of a comparatively insignificant character. Lobsters' claws were lazy at the opening, but closed heavily; and those who had a hand in them would gladly have been released if such a course had been possible.
"THE BEST POLICY."--That with the largest bonus.
FALSE QUANTITY.--Short measure.
CONSOLATION STAKES.--Those you get at a City tavern the day after you have tried to eat the article at home.
A SPECULATOR'S APOLOGY.--You can't make the pot boil without bubbles.
TABLE-TURNING.--Looking for a train in Bradshaw.
ARMS FOR THE PROPOSED NEW WEST-END STOCK EXCHANGE
(To be placed over the principal entrance.)
On a chevron vert, a pigeon plucked proper, between three rooks peckant, clawed and beaked gules. Crest: a head Semitic grimnant, winkant, above two pipes laid saltier-wise, argent, environed with a halo of bubbles or. Supporters: a bull and bear rampant sable, dented, hoofed and clawed gules. Motto: "Let us prey."]
A SENSITIVE PLANT.--"What, back in town already, old chappie?"
"Yes, old chappie. Couldn't stand the country any longer. Cuckoo gave me the headache!"
