Mr. Punch's Life in London 35A Love Song of the Money-Market
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Literature · Humor
Mr. Punch's Life in London 35
A Love Song of the Money-Market
AnonymousEnglish
I will not ask thee to be mine,
Because I love thee far too well;
Ah! what I feel, who thus resign
All hope in life, no words can tell.
Only the dictate I obey
Of deep affection's strong excess,
When, dearest, in despair, I say
Farewell to thee and happiness.
Thy face, so tranquil and serene,
To see bedimmed I could not bear,
Pinched with hard thrift's expression mean,
Disfigured with the lines of care,
I could not brook the day to see
When thou would'st not, as thou hast now,
Have all those things surrounding thee
That light the eye and smooth the brow.
Thou wilt smile calmly at my fear
That want would e'er approach our door;
I know it must to thee appear
A melancholy dream: no more.
Wilt thou not be with riches blest?
Is not my fortune ample too?
Must I not, therefore, be possessed,
To feel that dread, of devils blue?
Alas! my wealth, that should maintain,
My bride in glory and in joy,
Is built on a foundation vain,
Which soon a tempest will destroy.
Yes, yes, an interest high, I know
My capital at present bears;
But in a moment it may go:
It is invested all in shares.
The company is doomed to fall,
Spreading around disaster dire,
I hear that the directors all
Are rogues--the greatest rogue thy sire!
Go--seek a happier, wiser mate,
Who had the wit to be content
With the returns of his estate,
And with Consols at three per cent!
THE FEAST OF ALL FOOLS.--More than is good for them.
THE "LAP" OF LUXURY.--Genuine milk in London.
DISH FOR DIDDLED SHAREHOLDERS.--Bubble and squeak.
SCIENCE GOSSIP.--"A City Clerk and a Naturalist" asks whether there is not a bird called the ditto ditto. Is he not thinking of our old acquaintance, the do-do?
HOW TO MAKE MONEY.--Get a situation in the Mint.--Economist.
STRANGE COIN.--Forty odd pounds!
SUGGESTIVE
Dissipated Ballad Howler. "Sweet spirit, 'ear my prayer!"
A CORRECTOR OF THE PRESS.--A policeman at a crowded crossing.
NEVER ON ITS LEGS.--The most constant faller in the metropolis: the Strand, because it is always being picked up.
THE MARKETS.--There was a good deal of liveliness in hops, and a party of strangers, who seemed to act together, took off the contents of all the pockets they could lay hold of. There was little doing in corn, and what barley came in was converted into barley-water for a large consumer. Peas were distributed freely in small samples through the market, by means of tin tubes; and as usual there was a good deal of roguery in grain, which it was found necessary to guard against.
THE FORTNIGHTLY REVIEW.--The account day on the Stock Exchange.
A REGULAR MAKE-SHIFT.--The sewing machine.
CITY INTELLIGENCE.--We read, in a great aldermanic authority, that "a dinner is on the tapis." The tapis alluded to is, of course, Gob'lin?
MADAME CHRYSANTHEME
(With apologies to "Pierre Loti.")
A SATISFACTORY EXPLANATION.--Mrs. Griddleton. What are those square things, coachman, you put over the poor horse's eyes?
Driver. Blinkers, ma'am.
Mrs. G. Why do you put them on, coachman?
Driver. To prevent the 'orse from blinking, ma'am.
[Inquiry closed.
INSCRIPTION FOR STREET LETTER-BOXES.--"From Pillar to Post."
