Mr. Punch's After-Dinner Stories 35The Dirge of the Diner
18
Literature · Humor
Mr. Punch's After-Dinner Stories 35
The Dirge of the Diner
AnonymousEnglish
A Restore-Wrong Rhyme
"Attendance is charged in the bill!"
Delighted we sit down to dine;
And order our food and our wine.
The waiter is passing polite,
We eat with a grand appetite
Of dishes compounded with skill.
The room is so cosy and light;
The glass and the silver are bright;
Our flag of defiance is furled,
We seem all at peace with the world,
And rest quite contented until----
Attendance is charged one and nine.
We pay its collector a fine;
And give to the waiter polite
A tip he regards as his right
And duty of ours to fulfil!
The carver, too, looks for a fee;
The man with our coat, so does he!
The porter expects something more,
Who calls us a cab at the door!----
"Attendance is charged in the bill!"
THE GOLDEN KEY.--Mr. Montgomerie. "Ah! my dear boys, you're right. The extent to which our English system of 'tipping' has grown is something monstrous! Why, I can assure you--that--at some of the big country houses I stop at, it costs me a ten-pound note to get out of 'em!"
Jones (to his neighbour, sotto voce). "Wonder how much it costs him to get into 'em?"
