Mr. Punch's After-Dinner Stories 23Dinner Platitudes
18
Literature · Humor
Mr. Punch's After-Dinner Stories 23
Dinner Platitudes
AnonymousEnglish
Twice of soup is vulgar, but three times of soup implies that you must be more than double-plated with vulgarity. Such a thing was never known, not even at the Trinity Board, and turtle is not the slightest excuse for your pushing things to such a vulgar length. An alderman would really blush for you.
A soft answer turneth away wrath, and an invitation to take a glass of wine will frequently restore warmth between two friends where only coldness existed before.
No matter how plain your cook may be, so long as your dinner is well-dressed.
A few compliments go a great way. A little savoury pâté is quite enough. Try too many, and you'll find they'll prove heavy.
When the ladies retire from the dinner-table, it is not usual for you (supposing you to be a gentleman) to retire with them. In this instance, the same law extends to the mistress as to the servants:--"No Followers Allowed."
A gratuity well bestowed frequently has a happy effect. The servant that is fee'd well takes care that his master does the same.
In the hands of an inferior artiste, whether an omelette turns out good or bad, is quite a matter of toss up. It is the same with a pancake.
Keep ill-natured people from your table, as you would sour fruit. They are sure to disagree with every one. Avoid crab-apples, lest the apple of discord should turn up amongst them.
