"Hullo, John! What a jolly dish! Potatoes, greens, carrots, beans! Who's it for?"
"Mr. Binks, sir."
"Is Mr. Binks a vegetarian?"
"Oh no, sir! I believe he's Church of England!"
"TO PUT IT BROADLY"
Improvised Butler (to distinguished guest). "Will ye take anny more drink, sor?"
First Customer. "Waiter, a fried sole."
Second Customer. "Bring me a fried sole, too, waiter--and mind it is fresh."
Waiter. "Two fried soles--one fresh!"]
THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID
She. "We expected you to dinner last night, Herr Professor. We waited half an hour for you. I hope it was not illness that prevented you from coming?"
He. "Ach, no! I vas not hongry!"]
A DILEMMA
Nervous Gentleman (to two sisters). "I've got to take one of you in to dinner. A--a--let me see--a--which is the elder?"
THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID
Jones (to hostess, famous for her dinners). "Oh, by the way, Mrs. Hodgkinson, if you should happen to want a really good cook, I know of one who would suit you to a T!"
THE RULING PASSION STRONG AT DINNER
Laconic Waiter (thoroughly familiar with sporting Major's taste in champagne). "Seventy-four, sir?"
Sporting Major (down on his luck, after a bad week at Newmarket). "Seven-to-four, sir! Dash it! wouldn't take ten to one about anything!"]
CAUSE AND
Host (to coachman, who is turned on as butler on grand occasions). "I want you to see that all my guests enjoy themselves, Coggledab. Don't let them have to ask for anything. Be particularly attentive to my dear aunt, Mrs. Dumbledock!"
EFFECT
Coggledab (in a stage-whisper, during a lull in the conversation, to Mrs. Dumbledock, who has recently joined the Blue Ribbon Army.) "'Ollands, whiskey, or cog-nack, mum? You can't be enjy-in' of yourself. You're not drinkin'!"
