Mr. Punch on Tour 21The Walking Englishwoman on the Alps
18
Literature · Humor
Mr. Punch on Tour 21
The Walking Englishwoman on the Alps
AnonymousEnglish
You who look at home so charming--
Angel, goddess, nothing less--
Do you know you're quite alarming
In that dress?
Such a garb should be forbidden;
Where's the grace an artist loves?
Think of dainty fingers hidden
In those gloves!
Gloves! A housemaid would not wear them,
Shapeless, brown and rough as sacks,
Thick! And yet you often tear them
With that axe!
Worst of all, unblacked, unshiny--
Greet them with derisive hoots--
Clumsy, huge! For feet so tiny!
Oh, those boots!
SCENE--Verandah of Swiss Hotel
Brown (finishing very lengthy account of Alpine adventure).
"And then, Miss Jones, then, just as dawn was breaking, I heard the voices of the guides above me, and I knew that I was saved--actually saved! My feelings, as I realised this, may be more easily imagined than described!"
Miss Jones (fervently). "Thank Heaven!"
[And Brown fondly imagined she was alluding to his escape.
]
CAUTIOUS
Visitor (at out-of-the-way Inn in the North). "Do you know anything about salmon-poaching in the neighbourhood?"
Landlady (whose son is not above suspicion). "Eh--no, sir. Maybe it's a new style of cooking as we haven't heard of in these parts, as you see, sir, we only do our eggs that way; and"--(brightening up)--"if you like 'em, I can get you a dish at once!"]
