MARE! Mare!
Most contrary,
Why do you tumble so?
While you heave and swell
One can't feel well,
And--I think I'll go below!
MOTTO FOR AMERICAN MILLIONAIRESSES.--
"Marry, come up!"
Scientific and Nervous Visitor at Country Hotel. "I suppose there's no 'ptomaine' in this pie?"
Waiter (equal to the occasion). "No, sir. We never puts that in unless specially ordered!"
SCENE--Railway Refreshment Room. Thermometer 90 deg. in the Shade.
Waiter (to traveller taking tea). "Beg pardon, sir, I shouldn't recommend that milk, sir; leastways not for drinking purposes."
HALCYON PROSPECTS.--Romantic Bride (ecstatically). "Such a waste of waters almost appals me!"
Prudent Husband (fondly). "What a dear little economist it is!"
Tourist. "Wasn't there a great battle fought about here?"
Village Dame. "Ah, I do mind it when I were a gell, I do. They was----"
Tourist. "But, my good woman, that was nearly six hundred years ago!"
Village Dame (unabashed). "Dear, dear! How time do fly!"]
"And she only charged eight-and-a-half guineas, and"--(Interruption from Husbands. "Isn't the view marvellous!"
General chorus in reply. "Oh--er--Yes!")--"and now I simply go there for everything!"
FRENCH AND ENGLISH (as zey are spoke at ze country 'ouse).--Hostess. "Oh--er--j'espair ker voos avvy troovy votre--votre--er--er--votre collar stud, barrong?"
M. le Baron. "Oh, I zank you, yes! I find 'eem on my chest of trowsers!"
PERAMBULATORS NOT ADMITTED
A DISAPPOINTMENT. [To perambulate; v.n., in German, spazieren; in French, se promener; in Italian, passeggiare.]--Johann Schmidt. "Ach! vat a bitty, Mister Chones! Zen ve must not go therein to berampulate?"]
Chatty Tourist. "Beautiful specimen of a Roman camp, this, isn't it?"
Grim Stranger. "No, sir, no! I decline to admit that there can be any true beauty about anything Roman!"
