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A Book of Burlesques 83The Clergyman

18

Literature · Humor

A Book of Burlesques 83

The Clergyman

MenckenEnglish
(Reading): We, and each of us, having subjected the bearer, John Doe, to a rigid clinical and laboratory examination, in accordance with Form B-3 of the United States Public Health Service, do hereby certify that, to the best of our knowledge and belief, he is free from all disease, taint, defect, deformity or hereditary blemish, saving as noted herein. Temperature per ora, 98.6. Pulse, 76, strong. Respiration, 28.5. Wassermann,--2. Hb., 114%. Phthalein, 1st. hr., 46%; 2nd hr., 21%. W. B. C., 8,925. Free gastric HCl, 11.5%. No stasis. No lactic acid. Blood pressure, 122/77. No albuminuria. No glycosuria. Lumbar puncture: clear fluid, normal pressure.
Defects Noted. 1. Left heel jerk feeble. 2. Caries in five molars. 3. Slight acne rosacea. 4. Slight inequality of curvature in meridians of right cornea. 5. Nicotine stain on right forefinger, extending to middle of second phalanx.
(Signed) SIGISMUND KRAUS, M.D. WM. T. ROBERTSON, M.D. JAMES SIMPSON, M.D.
Subscribed and sworn to before me, a Notary Public for the Borough of Manhattan, City of New York, State of New York.
(Seal) ABRAHAM LECHETITSKY.
So much for the reading of the minutes. (To THE BRIDE): Now for yours, my dear.
(THE BRIDE hands up a similar envelope, from which THE CLERGYMAN extracts a similar document. But instead of reading it aloud, he delicately runs his eye through it in silence.)

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A Book of Burlesques 82A Book of Burlesques 84
Sources & credits: Mencken

Mencken — A Book of Burlesques (H. L. Mencken) (author lived 1880–1956). Public Domain. H. L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques; public domain in the US; text from Project Gutenberg #22145. Source

Literature · Humor

A Book of Burlesques 84

MenckenEnglish